(Editors note: This piece is a contribution to Sheryl Ponce’s series on the opiate settlement and the fentanyl epidemic)
Mariann Paige smiled as she politely asked, “Well, how are you?”
She knew the subject ahead of her would be heavy, dipping into some of the worst times of her life — times that she also acknowledges being essential that she never forgets to continue to maintain the serenity she has now found in recovery.
At 37, Paige has lived the vast majority of her life in Elk City. She moved other places for brief times — sometimes freely, but briefly — to other places.
Then there have also been drug rehabs and detoxes, juvenile facilities, and prison.
Her journey into addiction started early in life, long before she could even understand what it was.
“I think I was about 13 when I first started smoking pot,” Paige recalled. “Meth seemed to come immediately, and it was an immediate problem. I craved it and wanted it. I did dabble at that time in alcohol, but it wasn’t one of my primary things then. It was definitely enough to be a problem, but meth was the start of the show then.”
Partying every weekend became her norm. By 15, she was “shooting,” or intravenously using meth.
“I went to boot camp for kids. There was one time that I went to a kid’s place with a fentanyl patch on me,” Paige added.
In fact, she met her ex-husband in a rehab facility. Coincidentally, he had also lived in Elk City. The two struck up a relationship that produced her only child — a son she now travels to see as her sobriety has allowed her to make him a primary focus.
Paige said her marriage was often reported for their fights. Between substance abuse and that, the Oklahoma Human Services got involved eventually.
During that time, Paige also ended up with a broken foot — an injury that led to pain pills being introduced daily to her life.
Experts say that for many people, it only takes three weeks for a patient to become physically dependent upon opiate medicine.
Paige was among them and was not fighting two substances that would send her into physical withdrawal if she was without them.
While pregnant, her doctor put her on Suboxone, a medicine used to temper opiate withdrawal.
But, like anything, it can be abused. Once again, she would find herself in the physically horrible state of withdrawal and seek any way to alleviate it.
“I would find pain pills on the street,” Paige remembered. “I would chew morphine pills. I couldn’t function without that and pain pills. I also started drinking heavily, so I became physically dependent. I’m talking a ton of vodka and whiskey. I couldn’t get out of bed without that to even go find pain pills or meth. So I was in a terrible cycle.”
DHS eventually came into their home because of the domestic issues but found tract marks on her arms. Her son was taken from her custody.
“I would go to the classes to get my son back sometimes, but I missed some because of all this. Then the cops would come looking for me,” she explained.
Paige had finally decided to go to detox but was busted that day because she had sold to an informant.
She signed custody of her son to her ex-husband and eventually had to serve three years in prison.
“I really thought when I was getting out then that my journey would end there, but I wasn’t ready. My parents had my son when they came to get me from prison, and I got to be in his life. When he was gone for the weekend, I thought I could drink and handle that. It led where it always will for me — back to meth and the pills,” Paige said.
Paige’s mother also struggled with alcohol issues. She says within her parents’ home, she could find various pills, Suboxone, and alcohol. She blames no one for this, as she knows it is a disease. But she also couldn’t manage that level of access.
“Then my mom eventually got very sick, and I was too messed up to really understand how sick she was and that she was dying. I thought I was helping her, even though I was sometimes bringing her what made her sick,” Paige stated.
She was shocked when her mother died, even though she had seen all the signs.
A year later, nearly to the month, one of her dearest friends also died from addiction.
Paige found herself in the grasp of double grief. Her path has numerous other stops in detoxes, jails, and rehabs.
“There’s probably too many to list out,” she half-heartedly laughed.
But, three years ago, she made her last first steps out of darkness and went to her final detox.
She spent days and nights in excruciating anguish from the withdrawals of opiates, meth, and alcohol.
“Those opiates are a beast to get off of,” Paige admitted. “Really all three were. But it is tough and can be dangerous. It took me a full year to have normal sleep.”
She went immediately to rehab. While battling the physical ailments, the thoughts and memories she had been trying to dull were rushing in.
Paige credits her father, her long-time boyfriend, Joey Word, her siblings, and a few friends for supporting her during her long recovery.
It is still a daily journey, and her hard work at Pizza Hut has also been a stable force.
She has battled several medical issues during her recovery, some of which she knows are a result of her decades of substance abuse. Still, she powers through that — determined to make it.
And for her peace, she found fishing. She now calls it her “favorite obsession.”
Her boyfriend, Joey, has been a long-time fishing enthusiast. While she was still in her addiction, she said she would stay home and get high while he fished alone.
But, after she completed rehab, she asked him to go.
“I was hooked just like a fish,” Paige laughed. “I started bothering him to take me even when he wanted to relax after work. I wanted to be the best and catch everything.”
Partying has now been replaced with fishing. When she caught her first fish with her hands, also known as noodling, she found a high unlike anything she has ever felt.
“It’s a rush I can’t explain,” she gushed.
Whether it is trout fishing in the wintertime or noodling in the prime summer months, Paige is there for it.
Her bucket list starts with spending as much time as she can with her son, something she saves her money for to make the long trips to Odessa, Texas, for visits.
The rest, however, is consumed with catching prize fish and fishing in new situations.
She never thought the life she has now was possible.
“But, I am here to tell you that if I can recover, anyone can. I will not say it won’t take work or it will be easy. You might mess up in there. You probably will. But, it has to be you that wants to. No one can do it for you, and you can’t stop when you fall down once you decide you are sick of that world. I would tell these young kids not to handcuff themselves to something that evil, but God and determination can get you through it when you decide it is right. We do recover, and those of us who have want to help you.”
