DEAR ABBY
DEAR ABBY: I have been talking to a man for a little more than a year. Things are wonderful between us, but he doesn’t seem to want to make a commitment. It’s not that I feel he’s using me for sex, because he shows me off to his friends, we go out together and he texts or calls daily.
He’s kind, and I don’t have a single bad thing to say about him. BUT, when I bring up going further, he runs in the opposite direction. He clams up and I can barely get a word out of him. How can things be so great, yet he is so unsure about wanting me to be his official girlfriend?
We act like each other’s significant other without having the title. We have taken numerous vacations together and he trusts me to watch his house when he’s out of town. I feel confused, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’m hurt. I know he cares for me, but at what point is it time for me to move on? — COMMITTED IN MISSOURI
DEAR COMMITTED: Your question is a valid one. You have been seeing someone for a little more than a year who has made it obvious that he wants to keep his options open. Because he refuses to discuss the issue, you need to decide how much more time you think is practical to invest in a relationship that may go nowhere. After that, set a deadline and be prepared to move on.
You appear to want different things. I cannot make such a personal decision for you; this is something you will have to decide for yourself.
DEAR ABBY: You have printed letters from readers asking what to do with old love letters (either before they die or when they are found after a death). Let me share my story.
One evening, shortly after our mother passed, my siblings and I were going through some of her belongings and came across correspondence between her and our stepfather, written before they were married. My sister and I began putting them in chronological order and took turns reading them aloud. The content was spicy (their behavior was somewhat frisky!).
Our brother covered his ears, claiming his mom would never behave that way! My sister and I, on the other hand, were laughing and delighted to learn about these intimate and romantic details of the early days of their relationship. My (adult) daughter’s eyes were bulging, but I reminded her that Grandma was her age once, as was I!
My advice is to treasure these precious memories and preserve them for your children and grandchildren. As for us, we have scanned the letters into our family’s digital archive so they will be available for future generations. — JUST WANTED TO SHARE
DEAR JUST: Thank you for sharing. Not all people are comfortable thinking about their parents as sexual beings. If your mother was as “frisky” as the letters revealed, I hope you have labeled them “X-rated” so they won’t shock more members of your family.
DEAR ABBY: Please give me a tactful way of explaining to my son and daughter-in-law that their “born again” religious pressure makes me uncomfortable, and I’m not interested in changing my views in any way? — CONTENT IN THE EAST
DEAR CONTENT: Thank your sweet son and daughter-in-law for their concern and state that you are comfortable with your spirituality JUST AS IT IS. Then ask them to please not bring this up again because, when they do, it makes you uncomfortable.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
