Dr. Dixie, I had my first sexual encounter with a stepbrother at 13. After that, I figured it just didn’t matter, so anytime I went out with a guy—sometimes just for a Coke—we had sex. I’m 26 now. I don’t have any idea how many guys I’ve had sex with. I don’t think any really nice guy could ever love me. I feel so hopeless— like an old, worn out piece of trash. Is there any hope for me? Damaged by Careless Sex Dear Damaged: Your letter carries the ache of shame I hear in so many voices in our promiscuous culture. Although the emotional damage is great, I am so glad to assure you that there is hope because of God’s good love and tender mercy for you. There is no situation beyond His understanding and power to change.
Through my work with thousands of men and women, I’ve found that regardless of the cause of sexual hurt; whether abuse, rape, sex-trafficking or personal choices, every single person experiences shame on some level. No matter how helpless they may have been, they all believe that somehow they were to blame for causing, allowing or desiring it; and that they were stupid for falling for it.
Shame is the greatest hindrance to emotional healing. Shame causes us to hide from others, convincing us that we’re not worthy of healing. Shame shouts that after all we’ve done, or allowed others to do to us, we’ll never deserve any better than the abuse and misuse. The lie shouts, “It’s all you’re goodfor.” Satanexpertlytailorshisliestomatchourdamaged emotions. So, we believe because it sounds true and feels true, it must be true.
However, no matter how our sexual innocence was robbed from us, whether we were abused, used, or willingly gave our virginity away, we’re always worth everything to God. Jesus didn’t pay for our sin and redeem us to make us valuable; He redeemed us because of our great value. He declares we are worth His life sacrifice, and regardless of how we’re treated, or what others say, God determines our worth. Isaiah 43:4 MSG God says: “That’s how much you mean to me! That’s how much I love you! I’d sell off the whole world to get you back. I’d trade the creation just for you.”
Only God’s opinion ultimately matters. God declares that we are precious to Him. He knows us, loves us and shares life with us because He wants to. That may be hard to believe if there are people who have used us for their own selfish motives. But we can trust God. He will never use, hurt, abuse or betray us.
Romans 8:31-32 (MSG): So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing Himself to the worst by sending His own Son, is there anything else He wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us?”
If we depend on cultural norms or politically correct ideas to determine our value, it will vary moment by moment. But unlike the “stuff” of our world that changes, is quickly, put on sale or hauled off to the junkyard, your God-given intrinsic value never changes. From conception, through the endless ages of eternity, you remain worth the life of God Himself. He says so, and He cannot lie.
Infinite Grace Ministries provides Biblical Guidance to those who have been hurt by sexual misuse and abuse. By praying and giving financially, you are an essential part of this ministry of hope. Please consider Infinite Grace Ministries in your year-round giving! Your generosity is an eternal investment in this and future generations. Call 580-774-2884 for information about convenient auto-debit.
