DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to the most amazing woman for 30 years. She became a personal trainer and is in incredible shape. I’m not in her kind of shape, and I can’t perform too well sexually, even with ED meds. She recently asked if she could have her (sexual) needs taken care of by a young client she trains. I’m OK with it, since I’m sympathetic to her desires, as long as she doesn’t fall in love. Your thoughts? -- WANTS WHAT’S BEST FOR HER DEAR WANTS: The three of you are adults and capable of making your own decisions, but I am hesitant to bless this because it is so risky. Make sure to iron out all of the variables that may occur. She might fall in love with her client; he may fall in love with her. (Or not.) If he decides to move on, what will the effect be on her and you? Before you agree to this arrangement, think long and hard.
DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter, “Lily,” who lives in Canada, is married to an American, “Tom.” Somehow, collection agencies have connected Tom to my husband and me, and we have been receiving letters addressed to him. I opened one by mistake and learned the extent of his debt.
Now we are receiving two different letters each month for him, and I fear he may have even more debt than I have discovered. We don’t know if Lily is aware of their financial situation. They have spoken about moving to the States, but I don’t know if she would still be open to that if she knew about the debt collectors. They are already struggling financially and have a young child.
How should we broach this subject with them? Should we speak to them together, individually or just hand over the mail and stay out of it? We don’t like the idea of her being misled. This is casting a shadow over our upcoming vacation together. -- SHOCKED IN THE EAST DEAR SHOCKED: I vote for addressing this subject with Lilly and her husband in person and handing them the letters you have received, including the one that was opened in error. Your stepdaughter may or may not be aware of what she is in for, and it would be unfair not to let her know if she has been kept in the dark.
DEAR ABBY: I recently had a blow-up with my father because he is buying an $8,500 used car for my sister’s boyfriend. The BOYfriend is almost 50 and divorced three times. He is currently without a job or transportation. Meanwhile, my father is unwilling to help me fix the vehicle I own. Your thoughts? -- DISAPPOINTED SON IN FLORIDA DEAR SON: I can see why you might be upset, but it is your father’s money, and he is entitled to do with it as he wishes. My thought is that you should not count on your father to bail you out -- for anything. Your father may have chosen to do this to get the financial pressure off your sister.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
